Fantasy Court

Held: A trade the league’s own settings permitted is not unsportsmanlike because a strong team loaned Christian McCaffrey to a doomed one and expects to buy him back with the waiver budget it was paid. That is the nature of good business.

Held: A member who announces mid-season that he will not perform the last-place punishment has repudiated the stakes, and forfeiture of his first-round pick is an adequate substitute so long as the league imposes it rather than offers it.

Held: A shart requires both a good-faith expectation of a fart and a discharge small enough to stay where it landed. A pancake-sized liquid discharge that reaches the ankle is pooping one’s pants, whatever the wearer expected.

Held: In a league that drafts from memory, priority for a waiver claim on a forgotten star is determined by a memory contest, not by reverse standings or an auction. The members shall write down as many current Baltimore Ravens as they can in five minutes, and the longest list claims Derrick Henry.

Held: A league that has expanded its playoff from two teams to four to twelve should not expand it to twenty-four, because a postseason that admits nearly every team replaces the regular season rather than resolving it. The petition, drafted by the Chief Justice, is dismissed as a sham and the question answered in Fan Court.

Held: A league’s silence in response to a commissioner’s text proposing to halve a codified punishment is not consent to amend the rule. The full ten points come off, and the LaCroix shotgunner loses his matchup.

Held: A franchise’s relocation opens a window in which its fans may renounce their allegiance and declare free agency, and a fan who leaves through that window retains a right of return. The window has been open since 2017, and petitioner may use it now.

Held: A trade in which real-world goods pass as consideration for fantasy players is bribery, not a trade, and a commissioner must reject it even in a league with no money on the line. The trade is voided, but the uncle stays.

Held: A manager who formally appoints his dog head coach has transferred the zero-point shotgun obligation to the dog. Because a dog cannot drink beer, the canine equivalent is taken under advisement pending supplemental briefing.

Held: A platform’s auto-sub feature is consistent with the essential character of fantasy football so long as the manager himself designates the substitute in advance, and a Commissioner may not withhold it on the ground that his league mates are insufficiently dedicated.